“She Gave The Worst Head…” Pt.2 And Some Blow J History

This could be the second worst thing a chick has ever heard aside from being labeled as the DUFF in her group of friends, but then again, Duffs have to learn quick to give great head in order to get any type of attention at all. So, what are you doing wrong?

Mistake #1: You don’t like giving head because a long time ago, your mother, or your grandmother, told you that oral sex was for trashy girls. Whores. Sluts. Trollops. Strumpets. Hookers and biker chicks. Perhaps you even came from a very religious background and was told your mouth was only to recite the words of God and the bible. They even have “Purity Balls” where fathers take their daughters & present them with a ring, much like a wedding ring & make their young daughters promise to stay pure. Without the young girls realizing it, their daughters bodies & souls belonged to their fathers, long before they belonged to their husband.

***Marriage is an ancient institution & was seen as a strategic alliance between families***

Did anyone else see Love or sex in that sentence?

(okay, time to get back on blow job track)…

Mistake #2: When your husband/boyfriend finally convinces you to go down south, you don’t know what in the fuck you’re doing. You’re not completely to blame. No one ever taught you. So, you begin to feel insecure about it and avoid the cock sucking issue at all costs. Looking at his “Member” for the first time probably gave you nightmares. It’s true, they are a wee bit strange to look at for the first time, but I’m sure vaginas don’t resemble pink Macaroons either.

Mistake #3: DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, listen to our girlfriends advice about blow jobs. Every man is different

Mistake #4: Tucking your teeth behind your gums is amateur hour. Only high school chicks do that after school behind the bleachers. The guy can still feel your teeth, which makes it hard to cum, which also means you could be down there for a looooong time and injuring your lips in the process. Open your mouth wider and forget you even have teeth.

***The blow job was a revolutionary invention and birth control method, which was great for the dudes, but what about the ladies?? Ah, that’s right, married women were above blow jobs, BUT, the whores were not.***

Mistake #5: You’re married. How are you above giving the man you’re married to a blow job?

***Blow jobs were not actually popularized until 1929***

Mistake #6: If you don’t find a way to ease yourself into giving head, trust me, your boyfriend or husband will find a woman who will.

Blow Jobs=Oral sex. It’s just sex. Have fun with it. If blow jobs are something you enjoy immensely and you happen to be with a girl who is not even willing to walk into a sex shop or give it the ‘ol blow, well, then perhaps she’s not for you. And that’s okay because you’re probably not her type either.