Where Do You Stash Your Innocence?


And now for something completely different…


Being a teenager was not fun. Some of us like to say that we would love to go back in time, to our teenage years, knowing what we know now, but lets face it, it would still be just as awful. Going back in time, knowing what you know now, wouldn’t make you any more popular or any less of a nerd depending on your station in life at that given age. You’d probably be worse off because the “cool kids” would still be assholes and the not-so-cool kids would still be playing Dungeons & Dragons. You suddenly being the “wise one” in the group, giving advice, would mean dick to those around you. So, lets just be thankful that a good majority of us are past our teenage years and hopefully most of us have grown into decent human beings. 

Moving on.


Regardless of your station in life while in Junior High or High School, whether you were the popular kid, the jock, the school nerd, band or theatre geek, we all had one thing in common. That innocence that comes with that first kiss. And, no, I don’t mean, your very first kiss. I just mean, that first kiss in general with the new guy or gal you were holding hands with at the time. That’s right! Holding hands. You didn’t date. Not in high school. Having your parents take you to the upcoming school dance, to the movies or to the mall does not consist of dating. Dating came later. When you were able to pick up your own date and didn’t have to worry about a curfew. In high school, you held hands and ran up the cell phone bill $500 because these were the days when cell phones didn’t have unlimited texting. These were the days before Myspace, Facebook and Twitter. The innocent days. Oh, how I miss them. The heartfelt letters that you wrote during first period that you would only have your most trusted friends deliver to your Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Crush and the rush you would feel if you had to pass such a note in class without the teacher catching you. And Jeebus have mercy on your little teenage soul if she did catch you because you knew that wretched, bitter old beast would read the entire thing out to the class just to embarrass you. As if being a teenager wasn’t embarrassment enough. Teachers. They’re all sadists. 

Ahem…we’re getting a little off track. 


Ah, yes. Kissing. As a teenager, kissing was a big deal. Finding places to kiss was the second biggest deal. Then I assume finding places to have sex was the third. But before all that, before the sex, before the confusion…There was kissing. And lots of it. My first kiss happened in Middle school. I was very ill prepared for such an event. I didn’t have the “Sex Talk” with my folks, so, everything I learned was self taught. My very first kiss was a disaster. FEMA couldn’t fix what I had done. We’ll call him “Thing 1.” Thing 1 lived near my grandmother, was homeschooled, and rode a bicycle everywhere he went. I was in 7th grade and he was in 8th. Originally, I was supposed to be the wing man and set him up with my then best friend (we’ll call her Mona), who was far too shy to talk to him, let alone get his number. It was all up to me. Mona had this major crush on him, as did I, but I was determined to set these two up. He would wait for us at our bus stop and walk each of us home, but for whatever reason, wanted to walk Mona home first. Then he would walk me home. Thing 1 and I would sit on my grandmothers driveway and just shoot the shit. I would talk Mona up while he flirted with me, which I was oblivious to because I was in 7th grade and what the hell did I know about flirting and compliments and being charming? Nada. The only thing I knew was to laugh nervously at his stupid jokes, in case he ever made any & allow him to talk about himself incessantly. It was exhausting, but at that age any type of Boy attention is good attention. And I was a redhead, freckled face tom boy with these huge eyes that Mona would refer to as my Rat Eyes. So, yeah, having a cute boy talking to me until the sun went down and calling me at the same time every night made me feel good. So good, that I forgot what my actual mission was. 

One Day, Mona wasn’t feeling well enough to join Thing 1 and myself out for a walk. (This was also back in the day when kids actually went outside and did things). Before I knew it, it was 5pm. CURFEW. Thing 1 came in for a hug and then shoved his tongue down my mouth. I was so surprised, I bit it! Yep. My first “french kiss” and I bit it. That was the last I heard of Thing 1 and Mona for a while, after I told her what had happened. 


Fast Forward…


Summer of ’99! Middle School was over and I had my steady group of amazing friends. I was living in Temecula, ca at this time. So, in a town that was once so small, there was not much to do, but hang out at the local parks. Lazy Creek Park & Peterson Park being the ultimate teenage wastelands, the bowling alley, Mulligans & The Movie Experience movie theatre. We were very limited in what we could do, but with friends just as screwy as myself, we had a blast anywhere. This was the summer I was also introduced to my first real boyfriend. Yes, our parents drove us to the movies and the mall, but we were very serious hand holders. We’ll call him “Bubbles,” (which really was his nickname from me for whatever reason). Bubbles was athletic, tall, very handsome, somewhat shy, silly & wanted by all the neighborhood girls. By some sort of Unicorn magic, both of our parents decided that I could spend a day at his house under adult supervision. Little did my parents, including myself, know that the adult supervision would be his 16 year old brother, who we shall refer to as “Dipshit.” Bubbles and I didn’t see much of Dipshit that day. Or his parents. They were at work. 

Side Note: What type of parents lie to other parents about adult supervision?



Bubbles decided he was done tickling me and channel surfing. He offered to make me food, but high school chicks don’t eat in front of their dudes. Especially their new dudes. Just as we were curling up on the couch, Bubbles Mom walks in. Perfect timing considering my Dad was 5 minutes behind her to pick me up. Both parents introduced themselves, the mother exclaiming what a nice young lady I was even though she had been at work up until 5 minutes before my dad pulled up. While the ‘rents spoke about how darling and well behaved we were, Bubbles decided to show me these bike jumps he had built behind his house. We never made it behind his house. He pulled me to the side and kissed me. We’re talking full on make out session! I was following his lead because It was more than obvious he had done this before and I had a bad track record. It was very erotic for someone who was just barely 14. I was hooked after that. Our inside joke after that was always “lets go check out the bike jumps.” We made out everywhere. Movies, the park, anywhere we could sneak a kiss & Bubbles never went any further than that. We were both innocent and enjoying the moment together. Sex was not on our radar. Making out was the only thing we wanted to do. Sure it was a little sloppy at times and our friends would become completely grossed out, but it was fun. 

After a month, which is a year in teen time, he broke it off to be with some other girl. But we remained friends all through high school. 

Side Note: I would later date his older brother, “Dipshit” for one year…but that’s an entirely different blog. Stay tuned 😉


“What’s the point of this blog, Fay?

I’m getting there. Hold onto your dicks.


Everyone will tell you (well, everyone will tell the females), that your innocence begins and ends with the loss of your virginity. The loss of my virginity? First off, it’s not like “Oops! Where did it go?!” I know exactly what happened to my virginity. 

Side Note:

“Virginity is the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse.” 

“The term Virgin originally only referred to sexually inexperienced women.” (i advise all females and males to read The Purity Myth)

Funny, I didn’t see LOSS OF INNOCENCE in any of those definitions. 


As an adult, I feel like the only innocence I’ve lost is the innocence of those wonderful make out sessions from my high school days, which is now just used a precursor to sex. And rightly so. We’re adults. Sex happens. But the passion is gone. In high school, you could make out with your guy or gal for hours and it would be amazing. Your lips would be swollen and red, but it was never one-sided. You both felt it. You both felt that passion and you couldn’t get enough of each other. Nowadays, we seem to rush through the most important part of foreplay. The kissing! The making out! Ever have sex with someone you didn’t kiss first and the sex was just meh? (That’s a medical term). Or mediocre? Kissing allows you to feel the person out. Kissing forces you to be more intimate and personal. Not that blow jobs aren’t personal, but you’re not both down there. It’s one-sided. And I don’t know about you, but kissing has helped persuade me into thinking “YES! I need him inside me NOW!” Or “Hmm…I’m missing Game of Thrones and my hitachi is plugged in at home.” You can tell a lot about a person from how they kiss. 


Just a kiss can tell you anything you want to know. A kiss on the hand, kissing your fingers, kissing your forehead, kissing your nose, kissing your neck, kissing your lips, kissing your stomach, or a kiss on the cheek, which generally means one of three things. 1. You’ve been friend zoned. 2. You already have a husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife or 3. You’re in Europe. So, what happened to kissing? Where did the intense make out sessions go? Did we lose them along with our “virginity?” Are they both hiding out together somewhere? 


Sometimes you find that guy/gal who can’t keep their lips off you. You can’t keep your lips off each other. And some of you will say “well, that’s just the honeymoon phase drifting away.” BULLSHIT. The kissing leaves long before the honeymoon does. It slowly fades away. From making out constantly, to kissing, to kisses, to bullshit pecks on the cheek, to Niente. My longest relationship was 3yrs. The kissing, the making out, it all stopped abruptly after 4 months, but the sex and relationship continued for 3yrs. Any explanations for that? It also appears that the chicks want the make out sessions more than the dudes do. Fact? Fiction? Are dudes just not that into it as the females are?